PARK YOUR BUTT, GRAB AN OAR AND ROW!

 


A thirty-second wedding anniversary celebration


Today at 16:00, I will have been Mrs Lulu van Aswegen for 16.8 million minutes or 32 (2x16) years.  On this day in 1993, I was instantly promoted from Miss Lulu Smit (the title I held for the first 20 years, 2 months, 3 weeks and 2 days of my life) to Mrs Lulu van Aswegen, wife of Mr Wouter van Aswegen (my beloved Assie), and I embarked on the very best journey of my entire life.  During the first part of this exhilarating 32-year-7G-rollercoaster ride, my beloved Assie and I became parents to two sons and two daughters.  During the last decade, we have also become parents-in-love to two daughters-in-love and two sons-in-love, and so far, grandparents to two grandsons and two granddaughters.


On a warm afternoon in the Summer at the start of 1993, inside a church in a mining town in Mpumalanga, two youngsters made a commitment to spend the rest of their lives with each other as exclusive marital partners in the union of holy matrimony.  Like a magnificent, uniquely crafted Stradivarius violin, my beloved Assie was already significantly underappreciated, not only as an expert problem-solving information technology genius, but also as a righteous, God-fearing man, full of faith and patient kindness, and one who walks with integrity in quiet wisdom.  On the flip side, I was just a tiny blob of antimatter securely suspended in a vacuum encased in a battery-operated magnetic containment canister, attracting a select audience with a mesmerising glow of explosive potential.  For those wondering, yes, I am referring to the spectacular science fiction that Dan Brown writes about in his novel Angels & Demons.  It is the kind of phenomena which the scientists at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) at CERN have not quite managed to produce in the same heart-stopping, atmosphere-blinding, and cosmos-cracking fashion as it exists in Mr. Brown’s remarkable imagination.  Looking back, I picked up the most valuable Stradivarius violin (valued at around $20million today) for the absolute steal of just being an adorable, albeit demanding and strong-willed, smart-mouth with a cheeky smile and a snow denim mini-skirt.  


On 16 January 1993, Assie and I joined forces to become a powerful alliance, a force of nature with a very specific mandate.  To navigate the realms of science and music, harnessing antimatter to its fullest potential while crafting a masterpiece of unrivaled, unreplicable sounds, embodying the timeless and treasured legacy of the Stradivarius.  Unlike the science fiction nature of Dan Brown’s antimatter, the science of our antimatter was/is NOT fictional and the obliteration caused by the explosions on our journey, was/is as heart-stopping, atmosphere-blinding and cosmos-cracking as Mr Brown could have ever imagined.  Taking violin classes with someone who is not Stradivarius accredited, is about the same as taking an online swimming course and practising the strokes on the lounge carpet.  Drowning remains a very real risk to all graduates from online swimming academies.  Disguised misogyny recorded in the pseudo-profundities of pretentious pious preachers in their New York bestseller self-help, new thought books CANNOT neutralise antimatter.  Neither can witchcraft-infused prophecies nor therapy at the hands of soul butchers.  I thank the Lord that He has never failed us, and that our painful realignment on a tough journey of faith reformation brought us closer to Him and into a beautiful community of faith-filled believers.


Together, Assie and I have come a long way and I have no doubt that we still have much to learn, but I would like to impart some of the wisdom we have gained along the way.  God Almighty is the Author of marriage, the holiest institution on earth and His intentional gift to a bride and groom.  Marriage is like a boat with two oars, two seats and a commanding post upfront where the Captain (God) stands.  The Captain doesn’t row and the crew members shouldn’t stand.  Marriage partners are equal shipmates designed to row sitting side-by-side while they heed to their Captain who calls the shots.  Power struggles between shipmates causes mutiny, navigational dysfunction and a very real threat of shipwreck amongst other things.  So, my heartfelt call to all married couples reading this is:


REINSTATE THE CAPTAIN IN HIS ORDAINED POST AND FOLLOW HIS ORDERS EXCLUSIVELY.  QUIT THE STRUGGLE AND MAKE UP WITH YOUR PARTNER, BECAUSE NEITHER OF YOU SHOULD BE CAPTAIN.  PARK YOUR BUTT IN A SEAT, TAKE AN OAR AND ROW.  PRACTICE THIS WHILE IN SERENE, GLASS-LIKE-SMOOTH WATERS, BECAUSE YOU WILL END UP IN THE FIERCE & FEROCIOUS STORMS OF THE OPEN SEAS WHERE NO HUMAN BEING (IRRESPECTIVE OF GENDER) CAN SUCCESSFULLY NAVIGATE.


To my beloved Assie I say:

My beloved handsome, hunky babe, husband of my youth and old age, thank you for being my devoted and faithful shipmate for 32 years.  Thank you for parking your butt in the seat right alongside me and rowing with me, in sync to the beat of our Captain’s orders.  I love you so much more than I could ever express, and I am profoundly articulate.  Thank you for doing universe-defining science with me while we make earth-shatteringly beautiful, harmonious music.  If our Lord allows it, here’s to the next 32 years of doing so! ❤️

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