MOTHER’S DAY 2024

I spent Wednesday afternoon feverishly working on my TEARS, TATTOOS AND THE TENDER WISDOM OF A FIVE-YEAR-OLD post.  At the time, the exciting chatter of family members in the lounge became a distant, gentle melody to my laser focussed mind.  “MOM!”  Suddenly I was yanked out of my mental cocoon by the intentional urgency of someone calling me.  Yes, I am MOM, but the voice does not belong to Annie (she was the only MOM-caller present at the time).  No, the voice belongs to Megan, my next (second) daughter-in-love who, actually, still calls me Aunty Lulu.  With heart-meltingly cute indignation, she informed me that I did not respond to “Aunty Lulu” after which she decided to go with “MOM”, because she was sure that it would have the desired effect.  It did, she was right!

My very first published post was a reflection on MOTHER’S DAY 2023, in Afrikaans.  I used my own experience to reflect on what it means to me to be a MOTHER.  I am still stunned-into-silence-stumped at the realisation that God Almighty chose to “partner” with a woman to bring His Son into this world.  The Son of God, Redeemer of ALL mankind, was dependent upon the heart and womb of a young woman.  For nine months she nurtured Him in her womb while her heart pumped life-giving blood to Him.  After she gave birth to Him, she loved Him in her heart forever.  She was the MOTHER of the Son of God, His precious IMA (Hebrew word for MOTHER).  I truly believe that, as Supreme Creator of ALL, God deposited something very special of Himself into the hearts of women, and since God is Love, I further believe that the love of a MOTHER has to be the purest form of love between people on this planet.  

It is an enormous privilege and honour to be a MOTHER, but it is, most certainly, not easy.  As a MOTHER of four biological children, I have a fair amount of experience in regular MOTHERhood issues, but I believe that I have a butt load of experience in the non-garden-variety MOTHERhood issues.  I dedicated three full years of my life to 4.2 pregnancies (4 live births and 1 miscarriage).  I am intimately familiar with the effects of vomiting over 5,000 times due to pregnancy-induced severe nausea and vomiting, called Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG).  I also know what it feels like to suffer a pregnancy-induced stroke (albeit mild), called a Transient Ischemic Attack (TIA).  And, to this day, I still seriously doubt the existence of the term “pregnancy glow” unless it refers to that greenish-yellowish leathery tinge I noticed on my complexion in the mirror every time after I violently expelled the contents of my stomach into the toilet or vomit bucket.  Okay sure, I felt like a million bucks for about 315 seconds before the build up to the next deposit would start up all over again.  I’ve been there, done (and aced) that and I have quadruple-verified evidentiary proof in four amazing people (Daniel, Annie, Jack & Jessica) wearing the T-shirts!  However, this year, I would like to dedicate MOTHER’S DAY to the mothers (and future mothers) of my grandchildren, my daughters and my daughters-in-love, AND one other very special person.

ANNIE HAY (mother of my first two granddaughters):

Allow me to start with a profuse apology….  I am so sorry that HG stuck to our genes like a stubborn antibiotic-resistant staphylococcus infection to nasal mucosa!  Perhaps your 2019 birthday picture can indeed substantiate the existence of “pregnancy glow”.  It was fleeting though and lasted only until you reached 7 weeks.  Thereafter, you also entered that crazy season where you literally fought for your own life, while the parasitic action of a little-Devine-blessing-you-already-loved-but-have-never-met shifted into racing gear and bled you dry of all nutrients, fluids and sanity.  But you not only persevered, you did so with amazing self-control, specifically by fighting the urge to vomit all over simple-minded people yabbering stupid advice.  You overcame endometriosis to fall pregnant and then you had to deliver your first baby during a global pandemic.  The pictures of you, all masked up with ghostly empty hospital passages behind you, still give me the chills and just thinking about it now, brings tears to my eyes.  But you were such a trooper, you kicked butt and, by means of natural childbirth, you delivered a beautiful baby girl during a time where the outside world looked like something out of a Hollywood-end-of-days-disaster-movie.  Dad and I met Emily for the first time just over a week later in your car in a parking lot when we “pretended” to shop at the same store.  Although Emily was an otherwise healthy baby, you had to learn to navigate through multiple febrile seizures, persistent ear infections and, eventually, an operation to insert grommets.  Your second pregnancy was only fractionally better (at least in the beginning) than the first one as you had fewer hospital stays for HG treatment.  Again you persevered and it even appeared like you were in for a season of smooth sailing leading up to the grand finale.  Then, just after 37 weeks, all hell broke loose.  Father’s Day 2023 started off with pain in the early hours of the morning and ended with you clinging to life in your maternity hospital bed and your newborn baby, fighting for her life, on ice in the NICU after a traumatic emergency C-section.  Thereafter followed a gut-wrenchingly scary time where your post operative bleeding wouldn’t stop and Addie suffered from hypoxia-induced damage to her brain, heart and other organs.  Thank the Lord that it wasn’t yet time for either of your tent dwellings to be taken down and both of you recovered without even a single deficit.  My dearest Annie, you are such an incredible mommy to Emmie and Addie, thank you!  You have gone on to become an expert in things I could barely master, well done!  You’ve already reached lactation specialist level while still in hospital with Emmie, while it took me nursing four babies before I reached only an adequate skill level with breastfeeding.  It is any God-fearing MOTHER’S prayer that her daughters will overtake her in fulfilling the specific purposes of God as MOTHERS in their own generations.  You are already doing just that, keep at it!  Happy MOTHER’S DAY!

CARLI VAN ASWEGEN / CHANRÉ (now TAUTE) VAN ASWEGEN (partnering mothers of my first grandson):

To my beloved first daughter-in-love, Carli, whose earthly tent dwelling had indeed been taken down 27 months ago after she bravely fought a savagely brutal battle against brain cancer.  Thank you for giving birth to your beautiful, blonde, blue-eyed baby boy, and in doing so, promoted me from MOTHER to grandMOTHER!  I commend you for your selfless MOTHERing.  Your unconditional love for Micah prevailed in your MOTHER heart until the very end, and when cancer ripped your MOTHER body apart and took away your ability to physically nurture your little boy, you appointed me to be your proxy so that your little boy always had access to a MOTHER’s touch.  I have no doubt that you would be so proud of Micah today.  I will always see something of you in him and that will always bring me both smiles and tears.  I have confidently handed over my proxy-baton to Chanré, because I trust her completely.  Her love for Daniel and Micah is authentic, beautiful and deep.  She will be the selfless, loving MOTHER that Micah needs without ever trying to replace you.  My dearest Carli, I want you to know that Chanré is already doing a great job.  I have no idea whether or not MOTHER’S DAY is celebrated in heaven, but I do know that you are reunited with the two little treasures you never had the opportunity to give birth to!  I love you and I will cherish you in my MOTHER heart forever!

To my third daughter-in-love, Chanré, who has opened her heart and adopted my precious Micah as her very own little boy.  Thank you for loving him unconditionally and always having his best interest at heart.  In an instant, you became MOTHER to a pre-schooler, a little boy born from the womb of someone very special whose memory will always be cherished in love, but whom you will never meet in this life.  Carli was not born from my womb, but I became her MOTHER and I love her with a wonderful womb-independent love.  My dearest Chanré, there will come a time for you to give birth to little sisters/brothers for Micah, they will be born from your womb, and, like with Micah, you will open up your generous MOTHER heart and lavish upon them your womb-independent love.  Happy MOTHER’S DAY!

JESSICA DE BEER (mother-to-be of my 15-weeks-in-utero, second, 85%-ultrasound-confirmed-grandson):

It still brings tears to my eyes to think that my baby is having a baby!  I am so sorry that you have to be living proof that side-stepping HG does not guarantee a great pregnancy!  But, I am so overjoyed-delighted that you ARE pregnant, because I can still remember how I had to keep everything together when you told me about the dream-crushing fertility challenges associated with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), a condition with which you had just been diagnosed.  We were in the little family lounge opposite the NICU where Addie was clinging to her life and just down the hall from where Annie, too, was clinging to her life.  Truth be told, I don’t even know if I let on exactly how I felt even to my precious friend who came to visit me in that lounge after you had already left.  The snot-sob plea-prayer of a MOTHER who could likely lose another daughter and a granddaughter while also feeling the pain of another daughter who could likely never be a MOTHER.  That was then and today Annie and Addie are alive and you are pregnant.  Yes sure, the very real risk of prevailing placenta previa still hangs in the air and you have already come miraculously close to having to come to terms with the inevitable reality that little Stitchie’s tent dwelling may be taken down before it is even set up.  You are a most incredibly gifted woman of valour with an innate sense of effectively managing every detail of any situation and that will make you the most amazing MOTHER, I have no doubt about it.  My dearest Jess, I know that the uncertainty of zero guarantees in life is your single-most greatest challenge, but I also know that once you fully embrace that the goodness of God is never determined by what happens in this world, you will be an unstoppable force of hope and faith.  Get ready for the most fulfilling and rewarding journey of your life while you “bake” Stitchie for just a few months more.  Happy first MOTHER’S DAY!

MEGAN (now LOTTERING) VAN ASWEGEN (future mother of my future little-Jack-grandsons and/or little-Meg-granddaughters):

Thank you for calling me MOM, even if it was just to secure my attention to show me the beautiful canvas pictures of your engagement photoshoot.  The pictures of you and Jack are tearjerkingly beautiful!  Exactly 5 months from today, you are going to be a breathtakingly beautiful bride when you marry my charmingly handsome youngest son.  My dearest Meg, I cannot yet wish you a “Happy MOTHER’S DAY!”, but I believe that someday I will be able to do so and I have no doubt that you will be a wonderful MOTHER.

SULETTE VAN DER MERWE (my amazing little sister who never gave birth to a baby from her womb, but who loves like a mother):

To my offspring and their offspring, you are known as Tannie Let, and if you and I had to ever compete in a Coolest Rolemodel contest, you would win hands down!  You are stylish, sassy, strong, witty, wise and wonderful.  Before I get serious, I am going te let you in on a little secret…. Although last year’s reflection was written in Afrikaans, it was essentially the result of a dark-humoured, cheeky conversation, in English, between Daniel and myself.  I decided to do this one in English to make it easy for the majority of my (English-speaking) offspring to read without having to translate through AI.  But then, on Thursday afternoon, Annie and Daniel decided to form a cheeky-brat alliance and give me a hard time about being a really bad MOTHER despite knowing about the heartfelt nature of this reflection and that it will be in English.  I looked at them and replied, This time I’m writing in English so you idiots can understand!  Sometimes you just have to put them in their place!  Both yielded and high-fived me with the kind of respect that says we-take-a-bow-and-step-aside-for-our-MOTHER-to-take-her-honoured-place and then we laughed together.  But getting back to serious business, the true heart behind this reflection.  Of all the attributes I listed before the silliness, it is your strength which truly sets you apart from the rest of us.  The supernatural strength to honestly share in the delight of our growing AssieTribe (13 going on 14) when you have just had your beloved soulmate and only other member of your intimate 2-person-tribe, ripped from your side.  The supernatural strength to read through your big sister’s reflection where she not only celebrates, but also whines and whinges (a little) about something you so desperately desired for so unbearably long, but could never have.  I am so sorry that you have to endure this excruciating compound pain.  I could likely never fully understand and/or comprehend the depth of your pain, but I feel something of the intensity thereof and I would like to honour you for all the womb-independent MOTHER’S love you so generously bestow on my offspring, their offspring, your other nieces and nephews and the children of your friends.  Thank you for giving so selflessly and unconditionally!  We live in a broken world, and although you could never experience a baby in your womb, you most definitely have that special love-deposit in your heart, which was placed there by God.  You have been exceptionally faithful with it!  My dearest Let, I am so very proud of you and I love you infinitely much!  Happy MOTHER’S DAY!

My dearest, beloved daughters, today, on MOTHER’S DAY 2024, I officially hand to you the AssieTribe baton of home-making-family-raising MOTHERhood.  This is your time, you can do it, I count on all of you!  I love you more than I can express in words!  For as long as the Lord wills it, I will be in your corners, as MOTHER to you and as grandMOTHER (Nana) to your offspring.  It is my season to explore grandMOTHERhood, and since MOTHERhood is not a prerequisite for it, I will invite Tannie Let to join me on this exciting journey to embrace it in all of its grand-eur!  What do you say, Tannie Let?