A HIGH FIVE IN LIFE

 

On Sunday 25 August 2024 I had the privilege of sharing a message from my heart with a group of wonderful women in another neighbourhood on the outskirts of my hometown of Bloemfontein.  It was initiated by the women’s ministry team of my beloved Pellissier Gemeente with the sole purpose of ministering the Word of God to and sharing the LOVE of Jesus with precious people while celebrating the connection we share as women/girls.  At the very end these lovely ladies literally lined up to thank me with hugs and glimpses into their own stories of loss, abuse and terminal illness.  Their openness and appreciation as they said goodbye touched my heart in such a deep way that I left there decidedly more blessed than they would ever know.

I shared a simple, authentic message on LIFE in FIVE steps.  I made it practical by assigning each step to a finger.  For this reflection, I made some minor changes to the original message, but here goes the essence of my message:

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KNOCKED DOWN TO THE GROUND BY THE BLOWS OF THE STORMS OF LIFE? MORE THAN ONCE? REPEATEDLY?

Think about it for a moment and then slide it aside, I’ll get to it later.

INTRODUCTION:

My name is Lulu van Aswegen, my birthday is in October and I live in Brandwag.  I have graduated from Free State University with a degree in Applied Mathematics.  I am wife to an amazing husband, mother to nine and grandmother to three, almost four.  I am chief and visionary of our IT company and our proprietary software company.  My health record is complicated.

I am a 1972 model, but due to complicated health issues, I have clocked sufficiently more mileage, arguably more inline with that of a mid 1960’s model.  I had to vomit approximately 5,244 times and I suffered a minor stroke to give life to four children with an early miscarriage in between.  As a married woman, I obtained my degree after 3 years of full-time study while my children were ages one, two and a half, five and a half and seven.  I lost a beloved daughter-in-love to brain cancer, stood by her side as primary caregiver until she passed away and stepped in to become full-time mommy to my three-year-old grandson.  I stepped up to the plate of becoming chief and visionary of our companies when my husband and I finally came to a decision to execute what we felt in our hearts to do despite harsh and severe opposition at the time.

THUMB:

In biometrics, a thumb print is a recognised indicator of the general identity of a person.  Information like name, birthdate, address, identity number, marital status and family information, education, occupation, health record, and more can be stored in a specific database and retrieved upon a thumb scan.  For the purposes of this message, I am not interested in that kind information to establish identity, I am more interested in discussing who you really are, and also what you think defines who you are.

Earlier on I shared, with you, a brief list of clinical information about me, essentially biometric-like information.  It tells you a little bit about me, but it does NOT tell you who I am.  I then went on to give you more descriptive information, supporting the biometric-like info.  Like how a birthdate means very little when challenging health causes premature aging.  OR that I certainly didn’t experience regular pregnancies.  OR that my time of full-time study was so much more challenging.  

Did that reveal more about who I am?  Why do you think that is?

It was indeed somewhat more revealing, because it was a little more personal in nature.

Let’s go back to my introductory question.  HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KNOCKED DOWN TO THE GROUND BY THE BLOWS OF THE STORMS OF LIFE?  MORE THAN ONCE?  REPEATEDLY? 

Sure, we all experience this repeatedly.  Now, take a moment and consider the following questions:

WHO ARE YOU?

WHAT/WHO DEFINES WHO YOU ARE?

You now know a little bit about me, and even with the added descriptive information, you still don’t know who I am.  Who we are cannot be determined by our circumstances or achievements and finding out who we are, has to include a journey with God Almighty, our Creator.  He created each of us as an original Masterpiece with a specific purpose and He knows everything about us.

In so many areas of my life, I fall outside of the regular acceptable boundaries, like some non-garden-variety specimen.  Therefore, I have come to accept that NORMAL does not apply to me.  But NORMAL does not apply to you either.  Someone once said that NORMAL is a setting on a hairdryer - LOW, NORMAL, HIGH.  None of us are hairdryers.

“But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.” 1 Peter‬ ‭2‬:‭9‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

So, what defines you, dear reader, is NOT what you look like, or where you live, or what you wear, or which schools you attended, or what you’ve achieved in life, or even that you fall down when the blows from the storms of life knock you to the ground.  Rather, you are defined by how well you rise after being knocked down and how you well you continue to pursue your God-ordained purpose despite the blows.

INDEX FINGER:

I would like to use the index of a storybook for this finger.  The index of a book is a collection of words and phrases ordered into different chapters giving a brief indication of the content of the book.  Our lives are like developing stories and the Lord intended for each one of us to take an active role in writing our own stories.  Our stories are being written irrespective of our active involvement in the writing thereof.  If we are not writing our own stories, other people will write it for us.

Remember how I told you about my husband and my decision for me to take my place as chief and visionary or our companies?  For a very long time we allowed other people to write our story and it only caused pain and suffering.  Why is that?  Because that is exactly what happens when a warrior is pushed to take a backseat and a gentle giant genius is pushed onto the battle field.  We had to take our rightful places and rewrite a few chapters of our story and now we are a powerful team and, together, we co-author the rest of this particular part of our story.

WHO IS THE CURRENT AUTHOR OF YOUR LIFE STORY?

IF IT’S NOT YOU, PERHAPS IT’S TIME TO STEP UP AND EVEN REWRITE A FEW CHAPTERS OF YOUR STORY?

Once we transition from this broken side of eternity to the perfect side thereof, our stories are published in books which other people will read.  It is called legacy.  My father-in-law used to always remind us that either we leave behind a great example or a horrible warning.  I would certainly want to leave behind a collection of great examples, not horrible warnings.

I have also had to rewrite a few very difficult chapters in my own personal story recently and it caused me a great deal of discomfort.  I discovered that God had indeed put the male lion properties within me and that I certainly ought to secure survival, protect and defend, but where He leads - my family, our businesses, our community and those who cannot do it for themselves.  But I had to let go of the general hate and bitterness towards men who oppress women.  Essentially I can and should fight, but I cannot go around looking for fights.  

One of the greatest chapters I started writing is about me finding belonging in a church.  An amazing community of God-fearing believers who accept ALL of me and who crafted a spot just for me.  The amazing love and care, truly authentic, real and reciprocal.

I can tell you that writing your life story is simple, but it is not easy at all.

I have found special solace and comfort in these passages.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;  His mercies never come to an end;  they are new every morning;  great is Your faithfulness.  ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in Him.’”  Lamentations‬ ‭3‬:‭22‬-‭24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”  1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Keep the theme of LOVE in mind, we will come back to it later.  Jesus is perfect LOVE.

MIDDLE FINGER:

For very obvious reasons, I’m calling this one the messenger finger.  All of us receive and send multiple message each day of our lives.  Essentially our thoughts are translated into messages which we use to communicate with others.  In a world where people hide behind computer/phone/tablet screens on the end of a digital connection, callous and unrestricted communication has replaced wholesome responsible communication.  It has become common place for people to say whatever they’re thinking.

Another unhelpful kind of message is the THEY SAY-passages.  We are all very familiar with them, we receive them, uninvited, all the time.  Which school to go to….THEY SAY these schools are best.  Getting married and starting a family….THEY SAY wait until you’re 30.  When we’re ill… THEY SAY do this or don’t do that.  THEY seem to know everything about everything, but who are THEY?

Let me tell you that, in all of my experience, the only thing THEY had ever been completely correct about is their statement about grandchildren being the best thing ever.  I don’t know who THEY are, but THEY are right about that, grandchildren are the very best!

Take some time to think about the messages you receive.  WHICH RECEIVED MESSAGES ARE YOU TAKING TO HEART?  Do they help you or harm you?  Perhaps it is time to consider a filter for incoming messages?

Also think about your sent messages.  WHICH MESSAGES ARE YOU SENDING OUT?  Do they help or harm others?  Perhaps it is time to consider editing outgoing messages?

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

RING FINGER:

I assigned relationships and responsibilities to this finger.  I believe that every human being has the inherent need/desire to belong somewhere in a community of people where LOVE and acceptance are unconditional.  It took me 21 painful years to find such a community in Bloemfontein and now that I have that in my beloved Pellissier Gemeente, I am spiritually revived to the point of profound excitement about the LOVE of Jesus for me and everyone around me.

“Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God;  but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us.”  ‭‭1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭11‬-‭12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

You know how space company NASA only chooses astronauts with the RIGHT STUFF?  Before Pellissier, I was made to believe that THE STUFF I HAVE IS WRONG.  There is a gigantic difference between NOT having the RIGHT STUFF and having the the WRONG STUFF.  Unconditional LOVE made all the difference in my life and in this LOVE, I am continuing to discover how more and more of my WRONG STUFF were never wrong in the first place.

I was reminded of how the apostle Paul talks about working out our salvation on a daily basis.  If we prioritise our personal relationship with Jesus, it helps us to be faithful in our relationships and responsibilities.  Connection with PERFECT LOVE (Jesus), essentially working out our salvation, drives out fear as we heard earlier on.  Notice below how Paul uses the words FEAR and TREMBLING as instructional methodology for us to work out our salvation?  This is not implied ambiguity, that we are to fear The One Who drives out all fear.  No, here FEAR and TREMBLING can be replaced with REVERENCE and AWE. 

“Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2‬:‭12‬-‭13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe,”

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12‬:‭28‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.  It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”  Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭23‬-‭24‬ ‭NIV‬‬

LITTLE FINGER:

This represents vulnerability.  None of us are exempt or safe-guarded from pain and suffering in this world.  I have always had a soft spot for the underdogs in life because I have been the underdog so many times before and I know what it feels like.  This vulnerability part stirs up more passion in me than all of the other parts put together.  I believe that it is because this part, right here, brings everything together.  It has a profound effect on who we are, it brings emotion and passion to our story, it is a message in itself and it has a way of revealing the authenticity of the people we have relationships with.

This is the part in life where the tyre meets the tar.  Remember the blows from the storms of life?  This is the time where we just got knocked off our feet, where we hit the ground, where we lay in pain and where we have to muster up the energy and dignity to get up and go on again.

On this side of eternity, we live in vulnerable tent dwellings.  Both the setup and take down of our tent dwellings are not in our own hands.  Our presence in this world today serves as evidentiary proof that at one time or another, our tent dwellings were set up and the departure of the generations before us, confirms that our tent dwellings will be taken down somewhere in the future. 

“For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.  Now the One who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, Who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.  For we live by faith, not by sight.”  ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5‬:‭1‬, ‭5‬, ‭7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Remember my beloved daughter-in-love, Carli, who died of brain cancer?

She started 2020 with a suspicion that she might be pregnant with a little sibling for her and my son Daniel’s 18-month-old firstborn son, Micah.  She suffered from nausea, dizziness, headaches and fatigue.  However, multiple negative pregnancy tests and relentlessly intensifying symptoms placed her on a harrowing pillar-to-post journey of misdiagnoses by dismissive doctors.  Then, nine months after the onset of first symptoms, instead of wrapping her arms around a newborn, she had to wrap her mind around the diagnosis of inoperable brain cancer.  I watched, helplessly, as my beloved Carli fought bravely against a wicked, cruel disease which mercilessly drained all the life out of her in a drawn-out war of hellish torture.  I was there every step of the way.  She was not diagnosed with an aggressive stage 4 glio- or medullablastoma which both boast a proven track record of killing swiftly.  No, she had a sneaky, yet somewhat retarded, submissive tumour which attached itself to her brain stem.  Surgeons were not even able to do a biopsy to confirm diagnosis due to its location.  It bullied her into end-of-life-stage, but was too cowardly impotent to finish the job properly.  She was indeed dying, but with the crushing prospect of having to do so for an unimaginably long time.  On the day I shared this message, 25 August 2024, it marked exactly 31 months since Carli’s passing.  I will miss her always, but I am profoundly grateful that her suffering ceased naturally before it got diabolically worse.

DEATH is a certainty, a part of life from which not a single person on the planet, is exempt.  It is NOT morbid to talk about DEATH nor does it imply weak faith, it is responsible and we need to talk to our loved ones about it, just like we talk about studies, careers, properties, vehicles, investments, retirement, vacations, etc.  After all, out of all of these things we do talk about, only DEATH is guaranteed.

During Carli’s suffering, some of the most soul-crushing blows came from a particular group of believers I call the hellbent-on-miracle-hunters.  These people always preach from a distance about having faith for complete healing, and then they pray so much that they never have time to just show up and be there IN the suffering.  They never hear the faithful prayers of the afflicted nor do they see or experience any part of their suffering.  But then when God’s answer to ALL the prayers (theirs included) for healing is NO, they go into denial and disappear completely.

As Jesus followers, we can not heal anyone and healing is independent of anyone’s faith.  ONLY God can heal.  I prayed with fervent faith for Carli’s healing, but after every amen, someone had to hold her hand, wipe her tears, clean up her vomit, wash her pee-soaked bedsheets and drain the pus from the gigantic crater at the base of her skull.  I promised her that I would be there until the very end and I kept that promise.  She passed away peacefully in her sleep a month after Christmas 2021 in January 2022 and she has left all of her pain and suffering behind on this side of eternity to pass over to the perfect side.

So often I find myself looking at the picture of what she looked like before cancer maimed her.  The picture is on my office wall and I try to imagine what it looks like where she is.  This account by the prophet Daniel always brings so much comfort to me:

“In my vision at night I looked, and there before me was One like a Son of man, coming with the clouds of heaven.  He approached the Ancient of Days and was led into His presence.  He was given authority, glory and sovereign power;  all nations and peoples of every language worshiped Him.  His dominion is an everlasting dominion that will not pass away, and His kingdom is one that will never be destroyed.”  Daniel‬ ‭7‬:‭13‬-‭14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Jesus didn’t love Carli any less than those who survive brain cancer.  She suffered and died and even these survivors will also eventually die.  Jesus gave His LIFE so that all of us who die on this side of eternity, can live forever on the other side.   On this broken side of eternity, we will face pain and suffering.  Our own and that of others.  In a world where celebrity faith healers in glamorous megachurches hide their own dying loved ones from those they preach the message of healing-for-all-always to, the need for God-fearing believers to hear the heart of God and journey with the dying, has already reached a critical point.

On this side of eternity, we have no guarantees about healing and wholeness.  Sometimes we receive both healing and wholeness.  Sometimes we receive healing, but not wholeness and other times we receive neither.  But the same Jesus of Whom Daniel wrote, gave us this most comforting promise at the very end of the Great Commission:

“….And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭28‬:‭20‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I can tell you, undeniably and irrefutably, that INDESCRIBABLE BEAUTY CAN COME OUT OF UNSPEAKABLE HURT.

During Carli’s suffering I also had to take care of my frail parents who nearly died of COVID19.  But in the dead of the night, when everybody slept and nobody needed me, I would get up and go sit at my desk.  There I cried and I started writing.  One of my most precious friends, a wise and God-fearing man, read everything I wrote, and although it was raw and vile at times, he saw something else.  He saw my gift of writing and so started a wonderful journey of writing, first as a hobby and then full time.  I created two author identities, RedeemedPioneer for my English work and VrygekoopteBaanbreker for my Afrikaans work.

My writing, unintentionally, triggered another journey, by far the most painful of my life.  The physical damage from a diabolical event in the distant past had progressed to a point where it became irreversible which, in turn, triggered terrible turmoil.  Furthermore, I had also never dealt with the hate and bitterness I had developed toward Afrikaans, the language, the schools, the church and most of all, I had a particularly choice hatred toward Afrikaner men (excluding my beloved husband).  I considered myself to be an English-speaking, white skinned African woman.  But this painful journey turned out to be part of a bigger journey of reconciliatory healing.  God had something so much more mind-blowingly liberating in mind.  I now write, not just in English, but in Afrikaans too.  CHECK.  My grandchildren attend Afrikaans schools.  CHECK.  I have found belonging in Pellissier Gemeente, an Afrikaans church.  CHECK.  God used not one, but two Afrikaner men and an Afrikaner woman, at the very end, to complete my healing from the diabolical event.  DOUBLE CHECK.  I was reconciled back to my Afrikaans roots, the hate and bitterness dissipated and I became an English-speaking Afrikaner woman.  I also became RedeemedPioneer and VrygekoopteBaanbreker with a God-ordained calling on my life to write.

Tears have become a new companion to me on this new journey.  Tears of joy for the beautiful healing that took place and is still taking place within me while on this fresh new journey.  Tears of sorrow and heartbreak for the fragile parts which will likely never heal completely or ever be whole again and also for the pain of others going through the same pain and suffering.

“You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.  I praise God for what He has promised;  yes, I praise the Lord for what He has promised.”  Psalms‬ ‭56‬:‭8‬, ‭10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

MY TEARS ARE NOT IN VAIN.  YOUR TEARS ARE NOT IN VAIN.

CONCLUSION:

So, to sum up:

[THUMB] Journey with the Lord to find out who you really are.

[INDEX FINGER] Become the author of your own story.

[MIDDLE FINGER] Filter incoming messages and edit outgoing messages.

[RING FINGER] Prioritise Jesus as your most important relationship.

[LITTLE FINGER] Have Jesus in your life boat, because the storms will blow in and hit hard.

HERE IS A HIGH FIVE FROM ME TO YOU, DESPITE ALL THE BLOWS THE STORMS OF LIFE DISH OUT!

And now I would like to end with my real introduction:

I am Lulu van Aswegen, child of the Most High God, the Creator and Ruler of the entire universe.  I am redeemed by His Son Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour, Who loves me unconditionally, and while I am still a holiness-work-in-progress who still drives too fast at times and struggles with patience and self-control, my hope is in Him.  And although I still have fragile broken parts which will likely never completely heal or ever be whole again, I will serve Him fervently for the rest of my life.